New Battles
I realized recently that in my quiet time, and in my journal I'm afraid to write down or talk about the good things in my life. I'm afraid it will serve as a painful reminder when they go away. And I began thinking about why that is my mindset. Why do I constantly feel like "this too shall pass"? I doesn't make sense, I could come to no logical conclusion, there is no basis for that feeling.
But my life IS really good right now, in fact, there are a lot of things that I didn't even know could BE this good. But I want God at the center of it. I don't want my eyes so focused on the good things around me that I lose sight of Him in this. He is still my sole affection, still my heart's desire, still my refuge.
"You give and take away" I have learned that well, I have learned how to fight through, and praise Him when things are hard; learned how to be with only Him in the midst of a crazy, scary crowd; learned how to bless His name, even when He's taken something away that I thought I needed and wanted.
But I haven't learned how to fight this battle yet (and it's a good one for Him to teach me now). I have gotten really good at being content and complacent waiting for Him to "take away" before I'll praise Him, before I'll get really close to Him, before I'll bless Him.
But I am determined to walk through this new battle with grace. I won't get stuck in waiting for Him to take this away from me before I'll praise Him. If he DOES take it away, if this ISN'T His best, I WILL praise Him because I want His best and nothing less. But I'm not ging to sit around and wait for that to happen, I'm going to love and get caught up in the situation He has me in right now.
Both feet in. I'll abandon my escape route.